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I quite like the sort of mind that would search for pictures of a celebrity "desperate for a piss".

Maybe Jamie Oliver screwing up his face in panic at the Chelsea Flower Show as Alan Titchmarsh/Titchmouth/Titchmouse (do you too ever have the problem of not being quite sure of famous celebrities' surnames?) approaches him for a live interview on BBC2 and it's quite clear that Jamie needed a slash five minutes ago. He puckers up his face, and, true professional that he is, he goes through with the interview, exits stage left, and only then lets rip a painful stream of burning urine all over White Rose David Dimbleby while nobody's looking because they're all in the Green Room.

What the poor searcher gets instead is my blog or a site where you can see a naked old lady wolfing down old man's stick. Now I first misread this as "naked old lady wolfing down old man's sick" which is just too disgusting for words.


*******


F*ck you, Geoff.

I've quite often mentally said "f*ck you" to many people over the years but it's never come out of my mouth. There is a great episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where Larry has an argument with a bloke called Hugh. Rather than saying "F*ck you, Hugh", he succinctly says "F*ck Hugh".

Now I'm on the receiving end of the insult, I'm not so sure I like it any more.


Please note the use of the asterisk in this and future posts when using stronger swear words. Our younger readers such as Richard Fleeshamn and the Fleeshman Girls need to be protected. Besides, it allows me to use the word c*nt which I have shied away from up till now.